Mom Contract

Tulisan ini dibuat untuk self reminder buatku dan mungkin bisa jadi self reminder buat orang tua lainnya.

Minggu lalu baca postingan path nya temen SMA ku @netafitria yang tinggal di Amrik sana tentang The Hofmann's family:  Janell Hofmann, the mom, suddenly her face is all over the news after giving her 13 YO an iPhone with 18 points of "mom contract". Now she's an ispiration for some mom that agree, just like me.

kira-kira gitu deh postingannya Neta.

Ini link beritaanya http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janell-burley-hofmann/iphone-contract-from-your-mom_b_2372493.html

Udah baca? Nih aku copy paste ya isi beritanya ...

Dear Gregory

Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good and responsible 13-year-old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.
I love you madly and look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad." Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.
xoxoxo,
Mom
Setuju ngga sama kontrak ini? Saya setuju! :)

Kalo baca contract ini, jadi inget seminarnya bu elly yang bahas betapa mudahnya ortu jaman sekarang ngasih gadget ke anaknya yang masih dibawah umur tanpa tujuan yang jelas. Anak bener-bener butuh gadget? belom tentu...

Biasanya ortunya aja yang "kepengen" ngasih tanpa sadar sebenrnya apa sih tujuan sebenernya ngasih gadget ke anak. Anak SD kelas 2,3,4 udah pada punya gadget pribadi dengan full akses ke dunia maya dan bisa buka apa aja dalam sekali klik. mak jleb banget deh...

Baca komen di postingan berita itu, ternyata banyak juga yang memandang sinis sama kontrak di atas. Yah segala sesuatunya di dunia ini pasti dan pro kontra nya yah... Yang kontra bisa dipastikan belom ngerasain jadi orang tua (yang punya anak remaja) deh...

Aku nggak mau ngomongin soal pro kontra nya. Tapi baca kontrak yang dibuat si mom Janell itu, aku pribadi setuju. Malah ini jleb banget buat orang tua jugakarena ada beberapa poin di dalam kontrak itu yang bahkan masih sering dilakuin kita sebagai orang tua, misal poin no. 8, 11, 13, 17. Apalgi yang 13 mak jleb deh... Hayoo ngaku ortu mana sih jaman sekarang yang nggak diki-dikit fotoin anaknya hehehe.. Kalo aku pribadi menanggapi poin 13 sih ya toh buat dokumentasi yang bisa jadi memory di masa mendatan. I mean, kalo otak udah matang kan emang bisa mengingat segala kejadian yang kita alami. Tapi kalo ortu yag punya anak kicik mendokumentasikan anaknya itu kan supaya nantinya pas anak udah besar bisa liat gimana mereka waktu masih kecil. Aku pun seneng kok buka album foto jadul, bisa senyum-senyum sendiri liatnya :)

Tapi kalo buat remaja, ya iyalah ngga usah kebanyakan foto ala ABG yang mata sebelah dikedipin atau yang bibirnya dimonyongin atau foto dengan gaya alay apapun yang ngehitz dikalangan ABG jaman sekarang. Yang lebih serem adalah poin nomor 12. Kirim gambar jorok/porno/whatever yang ga pantas itu kayaknya udah banyak dilakuin sama para ABG. Apalagi send or receive pictures of her/his private parts (gegara liat akun twitter yang isinya pamer bagian tubuh yang sangat privat yang seharusnya ngga diumbar ke dunia maya. serem!) ke orang lain. Pacaran tapi si pacar minta-minta gambar bagian tubuh? Ih hati-hati ya para gadis remaja... am I too lebay? No, I'm not! Ini udah banyak kejadian loh...

Okeh kembali ke kontrak yang dibuat mom janell. Mungkin ada sebagian yang menganggap kalo kontrak yang dibuat si ibu agak tidak adil. Tidak adil disini maksudnya, kok si anak aja yang dituntut mematuhi kontrak, bagaimana dengan si orang tua?

Ada link punyanyaseorang psikolog yang isinya menanggapi kontrak yang dibuat si ibu, yang isinya emang bener banget sih... Jadi bukan hanya anak yang harus mematuhi kontrak tersebut tapi orang tua pun harus nya patuh dan memberi contoh yang baik ke anak. Karena anak itu pada dasarnya meniru orangtuanya kan... Jadi jangan ngamuk-ngamuk kalo anaknya lebih doyan menatap ke gadget daripada ngobrol sama orang tua nya, karena si anak pun mencontoh orang tuanya yang lebih seneng mantengin gadgetnya sambil cekikikan chatting sama temen mereka di dunia maya selagi anaknya ngajak main atau ngobrol sama ortunya untuk hanya sekedar cerita hal-hal sepele menurut ortu, padahal bagi si anak yang dia ceritain itu adalah hal penting.

Ini link nya, baca ya para orang tua... http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/parenting-in-digital-age/201301/designing-family-contracts-technology-use

Isi lengkapnya silakan baca sendiri link di atas ya... Tapi aku akan copy paste bagian penting dari tulisan si psikolog.

In my interviews, young people described to me the frustrations they had with fathers who check their mobile phone for texts either throughout dinner or when they're supposed to be watching their children perform.  I heard about mothers who upload photos of their children to Facebook pages without asking permission, and about fathers who unquestioningly dominate the use of the family iPad without discussion.  Young people talked about what went wrong when parents secretly read and misinterpreted their texts and complained that a parent sometimes snapped at them when they tried to engage the parent in conversation while he or she was looking at a laptop or a mobile phone.
Here's my takeaway from this:
Our children learn more about technology use from their parents than from anywhere else. If we want to raise children who can use technology responsibly and respectfully, then we need to take a look at our own practices and make sure that we're modeling respectful and responsible technological behaviors.
Any contract, then, should include sentences like the following:
1. I will not check my phone during dinner or during any family time that we have agreed to spend together (this includes movies and certain times during vacations).
2. If I'm going to devote some time on a weekend or vacation to individualized mediated leisure (and this includes reading), I'm going to allow my son/daughter to enjoy approximately the same amount of time engaging in the mediated leisure of his/her choice without criticism or interruption.
3. I will ask my son/daughter to teach me how to play Minecraft and I will enthusiastically spend 15 minutes straight experimenting with the game under his/her supervision (fill in another favorite game if you wish; that just happens to be the favorite of my own 12- and 14-year-old right now and I'm trying to work up the will to do this, as they know)
4. I will ask my son/daughter to show me what they think is fun to view on YouTube and I will devote 15 minutes to doing nothing else but listening to them describe why they like what they've chosen to show me.
5. I will not talk on the phone when I'm driving or when they are in the car and I will absolutely never text in the car.
Nah.... Intinya...
Children have high expectations for parents, too. Jangan hanya menuntut si anak, tapi kita orang tua juga harus ngaca apakah kelakuan kita udah berkenan di mata si anak. Apakah mereka berkenan kalo kita nemenin main anak tapi nggak konsen karena sambil pegang hp, chatting, main games. Nemenin anak main tapi ketawa-ketawanya bukan sama anak, melainkan lagi ngobrol gosipan seru di group sampe bikin ngikik. Aduh ini mak jleb banget deh... Meski sebisa mungkin kalo lagi nemenin anak-anak aku jauh-jauh dari gadget, tapi pernah jugalah nemenin anak tapi tangan sambil pegang gadget sampe si anak bilang hp nya taro dulu dong ma... :(  Huhuhu  nak... maap... mama lagi ikutan kuis di twitter nih, kalo nggak standby entar kalah cepet sama yang lain... *ngaku. pengalaman pribadi*

Kuis twitter yang mensyaratkan kecepatan itu sungguh bikin gak konsen deh. Jadi nunda makan, nunda setor ke toilet karena nggak mau sampe keuluan peserta lain buat jawab hahaha.... Eh itu dulu ya, sekarang sih udah ngga pernah ikut kuis lagi, udah agak jarang juga buka soc med kecuali anak tidur. Mereka sekarang lagi demanding sekaliiii minta ini minta itu dan yang ngelayanin HARUS mamanya. Ya kakak, ya adek sama aja semua minta dilayanin mamanya. Abis rempong kanan kiri digelendotin anak-anak, pas rebahan tau-tau pipi kanan kiri dicium 2 anak sampe basah. Yes beneran sampe basah kalo yang nyium Kenzie karena nyiumnya sampe nyaplok ato gigit hahaha... Kalo udah gini lupa sama ribetnya tadi, dipeluk 2 anak sambil mereka bilang "I love you" dan Kenzie ikutan bilang "A O Yu". Bahagia.... :)

Kok jadi curcol ngalor ngidul gini sih.
Back to contract, seperti ya dibilang si psikolog:
Our children learn more about technology use from their parents than from anywhere else. If we want to raise children who can use technology responsibly and respectfully, then we need to take a look at our own practices and make sure that we're modeling respectful and responsible technological behaviors.

Intinya, kita jangan hanya menuntut si anak harus begini begitu, tapi liat ke diri sendiri akah udah kasih contoh yang benar buat si anak :)

*reminder for my self*
thanks janell for the inspiration about mom contract *sokikrib deh Tik sama mom janell* :) :)

2 Comments:

  1. bener juga ya, kita jangn cuma memaksakan kehendak ke anak

    ReplyDelete
  2. Setujuuuu...oh, what have i done?!@##$

    *langsung bercermin*

    ReplyDelete

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